Presence. Presents.

His presence these past couple of days has been an absolute gift to me. Jet-lag is a funny thing. My body is heavy, feeling like I should be in a deep sleep, but my mind is racing. Yesterday morning from about 4:30 on I couldn't sleep. Finally, about 7:30 I got out of bed and grabbed the ipod and my Bible. As I sat there and listened to a couple of songs His glory filled my heart. I am truly overwhelmed at the present of His presence. I don't know if this is really what was going on, but after living in a spiritually dark place for the past 7 months it felt totally different to be back here. The spiritual climate feels different. I felt so free, just sitting in His presence and worshiping Him.

I read this..."We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." 2 Corinthians 1:8-11.

In my need for Father, His love, His grace, His guidance, His strength, His faithfulness...HIS presence--I have learned the purpose of hardship, trial, suffering, difficulty is simply my need for Him. If life is easy, if my days are rosy then I have no true relationship. I might acknowledge God with my words or actions, but I am not in need of Him. The beauty of my relationship with God is that I am desperate for Him and it is His desire to freely give (and give abundantly) of Himself.

Oh, I want to be thirsty. The last couple of days have been slow. When my brain is working my body is tired, and when my body is awake during the day my brain wants to sleep. So here I am...I've been up since 4:00 this morning with my mind racing and He has calmed me with His present of presence.

If you haven't read the words to the song, "Worth It All" in the post below, I invite you to. "I'm desperately seeking, frantic believing that the sight of Your face is all that I need."

He is so worth it.
Enjoy the present of His presence today.
Kari

Rest

I was blessed to spend this past weekend with women from all over Asia who do what we do. We talked about rest and refreshment. We were challenged to learn what it is that brings us refreshment. I learned that a grateful heart is a refreshed heart. When I spend time focused on the things I am thankful for, when I allow Father to fill my mind with things that are pure and lovely (Phil. 4) my entire attitude is changed. I actually feel physically different. After-all Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and lowly in heart."

We were also challenged to think about the differences between hospitality and entertaining. Our culture has glamorized entertaining - perfect house, perfect food, ambiance. I don't know about you, but when I entertain it drains me. I get stressed about everything looking right, tasting right...and it feels like there is way to much to do. In that sort of entertaining I have realized we're actually serving ourselves, our pride, our image. I want to be hospitable. The idea is to serve those who come, to refresh them. To offer a simple cup of tea, or juice. To have some oreo's on hand. I want to realize it's not about me or what I have to offer, it is about me being a true friend. Allowing Holy Spirit to use me to minister to the people or person I am with. Proverbs 11:25 says, "Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed."

Life over here is not easy. Some days are discouraging, while others are uplifting. I miss my family, and the ease of life in the states. But I have learned to be content in Jesus. I know that apart from fellowship with Him there is not contentment, not here or there, not anywhere.

I've was introduced to a Rita Springer song, "Worth it All" this past weekend. The first time we sang through it, when we got to the chorus the tears were just streaming down my face.

"I don't understand your ways, oh, but I will give you my song. Give you all my praise. You hold on to all my pain, with it you are drawing me closer and pulling me into your ways. Now around every corner and up every mountain I'm not looking for crowns or the water from fountains. I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing that the sight of your face is all that I need. I will say to you...It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be worth it all; I believe this. Jesus, You're worth it. Jesus, You're worth it. Jesus, You're worth it all; I believe this."

Oh, but I will give you my song. I desire to share my song with you, despite not understanding all Father does, all the intricacies of life. And Father has encouraged me, HE is worth it. No sacrifice I give, no pain I go through can compare to the sacrifice He made so that I can experience true life.

It's gonna be worth it.

Kari

Sharing...

A friend of mine (hi R) recently commented that she often came here hoping to read about what God is doing in my life. Things have been busy lately. I have been challenged to really use each moment of each day to bring glory to God. More than anything this has really been a challenge to be selfless-- in the way I serve my family, in the way I serve God, in the way I push through the BCD's (that is bad language/culture days--thanks R), in the way I seek to always be prepared to share a reason for the hope that I have. I've been spending more time in God's word in the morning, more time singing praises to my King with my daughter...I've been cooking more meals for my family, studying language on my down time. God has been working so much here. We had an opportunity last weekend to go to a friends home and talk about Easter with them. The entire story was communicated effectively. Father, Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, Friend, Niece all heard the truth that can give them life. We left a dvd with them hoping they would watch it later. My friend told me two days later that the entire family had watched it and her father had watched it twice. Yesterday I was able to share with a friend in the morning and my new tutor in the afternoon.

With days so full time flies. I'm thankful that my friend asked me again to write about what I am learning. I need time to sit and reflect on all that is going on around me. Today was a really hard day. My husband had a BCD and it impacted his mood and mine. Sometimes I don't know what to do or say, and nothing seems to help. But God was quick to call my heart to Himself and to lift my husband to Him. It was a little bit ironic. I was making dinner and seething, just almost at whits end, so I prayed for him and he almost immediately did a complete mood turnaround...the ironic thing was that by that point I was already completely sucked into the bad mood. So now tonight I've been constently asking forgiveness for my bad mood and seeking God to help me be slow to anger and quick to love. WHEW! I guess this is what real-time refinement looks like. Father is teaching me and all the while offering me ways to practice what He's preaching. I hope to be more consistent in writing on here in the coming weeks. It really blesses my life and I hope it blesses yours. I also thank you for praying for me and my family as we continue to seek to sacrifice ourselves for the glory of God.

Singing His Song,
Kari

"Cease striving."

After nearly three weeks of traveling we are home. We've spent the last couple of days getting rid of cold and flu we caught on our journey, doing load after load of laundry, and just trying to get back into the swing of things.

I've really missed this. You know, God does so much in my heart and life and this is a way He has given me to really share it with others, but more than that, to process all that He is teaching me and changing in me. So, I'm back. It's hard to know where to begin. So I'll just share a few tid-bits He has been showing me.

Psalm 46:10 is very well known. It says, "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Another translation changes the first two words to "Cease striving." That is what God has been whispering to me over and over again. A sweet woman of God said it to me this way, "Don't be a perfect person. Be a weaker vessel." There are times when I feel so incredibly overwhelmed- overwhelmed with responsibilities, needs, fears, tasks. It is in those moments when I am so frustrated and just at my whits end that my own sometimes sub-conscious strivings for perfection are shattered. At that moment in my weak state I know how dependent I am on God. How I absolutely need Him for each step and each breath. So my prayer has changed, "Father, don't make me stronger or wiser, or more perfect, make me weaker. Make me weak so that Your strength is seen." Some might think this prayer is belittling, but on the contrary it is completely freeing. I am freed to cease striving, to allow His glorious might and power to be displayed in my life. "Cease striving."

Please be praying for me. I have a husband to love, serve, pray for, pray with, do laundry for, and cook for. I have a daughter who needs sleep, nourishment, play-time, instruction, discipline and direction. I am seeking to learn an incredibly difficult language. I have national friends to be sharing with and discipling. I have foreign friends to fellowship with and encourage. Life is incredibly full. On my own strength I can only scratch the surface of these needs. Most of all I desire to live a life that glorifies God. I want to be a woman of prayer, rising early to praise my God and intercede for those He has placed in my life. Please intercede on my behalf. Ask that I would be filled with the Holy Spirit so that God may be glorified. Ask that I would decrease so that He can increase. Thank you for loving me and allowing me to share my most deep needs with you.

Resting in the comfort of His arms,
Kari

Flying by...

I can't believe December is almost over! This month has been full. I'm sorry I've been absent for the last 2 weeks. BUSY! BUSY! BUSY! 

First things first: Hilary decided to trust Jesus as Lord of her life! Pray that she continues to experience the peace and joy of being His daughter. Ask that the baby-steps she takes will give her habits that will create a lifestyle of obedience. Pray that her little light in this dark place shines brightly. Ask that I have wisdom in how to encourage and edify her!

CHRISTMAS! We had a really wonderful Christmas. There were some sad moments: really missing family and stress in our city. But, for the most part it was full of fun and laughter, gifts and joy. We had two Christmas parties with our national friends. At each we were able to share the Christmas story and our testimonies and give away copies of Luke and Acts. Ask that the seeds that were planted will fall on fertile soil! Also pray for direction for us on how to follow up with the people we shared with. On Christmas Eve we began a tradition of eating at Pizza Hut! YUM! Yes, we have a Pizza Hut in our city. They don't deliver and are more like a sit-down five star restaurant than those in the states, but the supreme pizza is delicious! Christmas morning was action packed watching our sweet 18 month old open presents and show family on video chat every gift that was opened. We joined our friends here for an awesome meal and then an afternoon of wii and an evening of Christmas movies and second helpings of our delicious meal. 

So I have a funny story to share. It has a little bit to do with our theme of time flying by. My mom and I are able to talk most days either on the phone or the computer. About a week and a half ago we were on the phone and my mom kept mentioning how we had spoken last night. Now, I was certain that we hadn't spoken last night. We kept going back and forth both certain we were right about how the events had played out and suddenly we realized. We were talking about completely different times and we were both completely right even though what we were saying was completely conflicting with what the other was saying! HA! Let me explain a bit more so you're not left spinning. When I wake up in the morning my mom is about to go to bed. See the confusion. We had spoken last night for her, but it was two days ago for me because we were talking in the morning of the next day my time. Anyway, we're nearly three months into this different time zone and still have goofy mix-ups. Funny.

Happy New Year!

Kari

Joy Overflowing...

Despite the fact that today I felt completely blah, despite the fact that I am tired and not feeling great, and despite the fact that I felt useless and empty today HE USED ME!

It took longer than we expected to find a tutor. I needed someone who could meet near my home, during the baby's nap and would do a good job teaching me this difficult language. Today I am more confident than ever that God was holding out for His perfect plan. It's not simply that I needed those first couple months to find an apartment, get settled in, and learn my way around the city. He was also hand-picking the girl for the job. We'll call her Hilary. She and I met this past Friday. It was a good meeting. We enjoyed getting to know each other a little bit, talked over details about when and where we would meet and how much money I would pay her. Lessons began on Monday afternoon, and continued Tuesday and then today. They went really well. She is a sweet girl, just a few months younger than I am. We have many things in common despite having incredibly different backgrounds and cultures. 

Before I jump into everything that happened while we were together this afternoon I need to tell you about my day. My daughter woke up before I did which meant my quiet time was almost non-existent. Nothing horrible happened this morning, but I just didn't feel great, wasted quite a bit of time on the computer and was feeling really blah. By the time the baby went down for a nap and I had a second to myself I only had 10 minutes until I needed to leave for my lesson so I picked up my journal. This is what I wrote:

"I'm tired Father, feeling spent - lazy, BLAH! Wash over me. Use me this afternoon with Hilary. Allow me to hear Your voice. I confess my weaknesses and failures today. Draw me near to You through grace and steadfast love."

And so, I put on my scarf, coat, boots and hat and grabbed my books to head out the door. I got to the local eatery where we study and Hilary was there waiting for me. We jumped right into our study time. After doing some review from the previous days we began to learn some vocabulary about marriage. 

-Are you married?

-How long have you been married?

-I found a good husband.

When she began to tell me how to translate "I found a good husband," I told her that God gave me a good husband. She said, "Oh, do you believe in God?" I told her that I do and then we went back to studying and learning new vocabulary. 

A little while later she said something, that I can't for the life of me remember, and it set of bells in my head (basically God saying, SHARE YOUR STORY!). So I did. I told her that although I had always had a good family and friends there was a time in my life that I felt empty. I would lay in bed and wonder, "What is the point of all of this?" It was only after I began to know God and understand Him that I realized He is the point of life. True life is found only in Him. She told me that when she was away for college she met a foreign couple that had a really good marriage. They told her it was because of their relationship with God and His teachings in the Bible. They gave her a Bible and shared with her, she even watched the Jesus film with them. She told me that until today she thought that she could not have a relationship with God because it was so different from what she had heard when she was growing up. I shared with her that He loves her and has a wonderful plan for her life. I could see the hope growing in her face and her countenance. We were both close to tears and I was literally shaking with excitement. She told me that she really wants to believe. I told her that she can ask God to show Himself to her. I told her that she can pray to Him anytime and He will hear her. I asked her if I could pray for her right then and she said yes. I prayed for her. I asked God to continue to show Himself to her and to allow her to understand how much He loves her. She told me that when she had watched the Jesus film before it had really moved her and that she had cried when she saw what Jesus had done. I told her that because of His gift she can have a relationship with God. I had a key-chain in my bag in the shape of a heart. On one side it says "Incomparable Love" and on the other side it says John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." I gave her the key-chain and she said she would cherish it. It is written in her language. She also said that tonight she would "Give it a try." She would try to pray to God and ask Him to let her have a relationship with her.

WOW! I am so excited and thankful. Please be praying for Hilary. Pray that her faith, however small, would be strengthened and that tonight she truly will take a step to trust the Father with her heart. She has all of the facts now she just needs to make the decision!

The joy that is over-flowing in my heart comes because I am so aware of the Father's work in my life. You see, today I was a shell of myself, but He filled me up. In my weakness He showed His strength. Today he did a miracle in my life and in the life of my new friend. 

My God is living and active!

-Kari

God-sized Reminders

Confession time...Life lately has been a constant battle to keep from getting down. I'm tired, and I'm beginning to realize that daily life here is really daily life. This isn't just a short-term venture...we're here for the long-haul. I think it has been a little more difficult for several reasons. 1) We've been here for 2 months and it's just starting to set in that this is really home. 2) It is holiday time and that makes me really miss "home" and all that I'm used to about the holidays (i.e. MY FAMILY!). 3) My baby is beginning to hit frustration stage. She is still as happy as can be for the most part, but when she knows what she wants to do but can't do it all by herself she is devastated. As you can imagine, that is quite wearing.

Even though I've been in this battle with pity party mode it has been impossible for me to avoid all of God's amazing reminders to me.

-For starters I have a husband who loves me and encourages me constantly. We have a blast together and are really enjoying being each other's best friend.

-My daughter offers tons of opportunities each day to LOL - laugh out loud! She is hilarious and it is a joy to watch her learn and discover and play. It is so special each morning to watch her eyes light up when she wakes up and comes into the living room and sees the Christmas tree. Even in her young age she knows this is special stuff! Throughout the day today she would grab my arm and pull me towards the tree and say, "moh ismas, moh ismas." As far as I can translate, this means "more Christmas"! How precious! She loves for us to go over to the tree together and look at the lights and different ornaments (it did make me wish for some more personal and special ornaments though).

God has offered some huge reminders of why He has us here and all He is doing in my life in the process (boy oh boy is He refining me and tilling the soil in my garden!). We had several new friends over to our house the other night. My friend who is a sister shared that two of the girls that came with her have responded well to God's truth and are going to go with her to church on Sunday. We hope to begin having a Bible study in our home with them and are praying that they make Jesus the Lord of their lives! God showed Himself powerful in my life today. I met a girl-friend for lunch and shopping today and took my daughter with me. There were some Christmas decorations up in the restaurant where we ate and I was able to share God's complete story: creation, Christmas, and true life in Christ! My friend was not ready to make a decision, but she was very open and asked some good questions. I will continue to plant seeds in her life and pray that God waters them and makes His truth grow in her life.

Now, I'm sitting here tonight. I had a full day. It was a good day. My legs ache from the 3 hours out with my growing girl. 2 bus rides. A meal. A walk to a mall and through a mall. Holding her 20 some pounds the entire time. She doesn't like to walk when we're out because everyone tries to touch her. I should have taken the sling or ergo pack, but when we're all bundled up for the cold it is kind of awkward to carry her like that.

It is snowing outside. It is really beautiful. The next couple days are supposed to be very cold, in the teens Fahrenheit. Pray for me and my daughter. With the really cold weather we may not be able to get outside much, ask that we won't get antsy, but that we'll think of fun things to do inside and that I will be productive inside and use that time to "continue steadfastly in prayer" as it says in Colossians 4:2.

I've been holding out on you all. The really huge God-sized reminder today was His precious, living, active Word.

Psalm 94:18-19

When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

How quick my awesome God is to rush in with love and compassion. As Psalm 139:7 says, "Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?" And my personal paraphrase of Psalm 139:8-10 is this, "If I ascend to America, you are there! If I make my bed in Asia, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the World, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." I have thought more than once over the last few days, "My foot is slipping." But His steadfast love is holding me up. Although my heart is heavy laden, His consolation, His understanding, His willingness to let me mourn all of the transitions in life cheer my soul and put my focus back onto Him.

Thank You, Father, for YOU-sized reminders. Your love. Your faithfulness. Your peace. Your joy.

All for HIS glory and fame,

Kari

(and once again, because I just have to end on this note)

Psalm 94:18-19

When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.